I am a school teacher and yesterday I got back those dreaded school pictures back from the photographers. I pulled that package of pictures out of my mailbox and I hate who I saw. I saw an unhealthy woman who relies on food to make herself feel better. I could see that my sedentary lifestyle has taken over my body and my life.
It was 10 years ago that I had my youngest child. Two weeks after having my child, I had enrolled into an activity college course titled “Walking” It was during this class that I started a new period in my life. I was required to walk. I had class twice a week and was required to walk for nearly the entire class period. This jump started a weight loss period in my life.
I eventually lost 50 lbs in a matter of 8 months. I couldn’t fit into my “fat” clothes anymore and had to buy new clothes. It was amazing to me at that time that I was eating so unhealthy. I started limiting my calorie intake and made sure that I never ate anything after 6:00 in the evening. This was a big part of my weight loss. I also never ate anything unless it was meal time. No snacks at all. All of this on top of my walking several times a week, led me to that 50 lb. loss.
Shortly after I experienced my major weight loss, I started experiencing anxiety attacks. I didn’t really know what was happening to me. There were times that I thought I was dying. I had never experienced these feelings before. I suddenly became a recluse that was almost confined to my house. It was the only place that I could relax and feel safe. I would try to go to town to go shopping for groceries and I literally couldn’t handle the crowds. I would need to leave. The best way for me to describe the feelings was that my blood was boiling. I couldn’t calm myself on the inside.
It got to where I couldn’t keep weight on. I lost another 20 lbs. This was almost too much of a weight loss. I wasn’t looking healthy or feeling healthy anymore. I can remember just thinking to myself that I would rather be overweight and “normal” than skinny and “miserable.”
I’m not sure where it turned around. I did go to the doctor. I did started taking medicine. I learned that there are many people out there in the world that suffer from anxiety, but it is such a taboo topic. I think people are afraid of appearing weak or even crazy. However, It started to turn things around. Within about 2 years, I started to gain weight again and feeling better.
Today, I’m on the other side of spectrum. I feel good in regards to my anxiety, but my weight is out of control. I don’t feel healthy and I don’t want to continue down this road. I am almost 40 years old and I need to take control. I need to make some changes. The older I get, the harder it will be to get my weight off.
Right now, I’m ready to make changes and live a healthier lifestyle. But, tomorrow, I will get hungry and food tastes good. I am constantly thinking about my next meal and how every event leads to a celebration of food. I have very little willpower. What can I do? How will I be strong enough to fight the temptations?
Our Crazy Life 