Is Today the Day?

I am a school teacher and yesterday I got back those dreaded school pictures back from the photographers.  I pulled that package of pictures out of my mailbox and I hate who I saw. I saw an unhealthy woman who relies on food to make herself feel better.  I could see that my sedentary lifestyle has taken over my body and my life.

It was 10 years ago that I had my youngest child.  Two weeks after having my child, I had enrolled into an activity college course titled “Walking”  It was during this class that I started a new period in my life.  I was required to walk.  I had class twice a week and was required to walk for nearly the entire class period.  This jump started a weight loss period in my life.

I eventually lost 50 lbs in a matter of 8 months.  I couldn’t fit into my “fat” clothes anymore and had to buy new clothes.  It was amazing to me at that time that I was eating so unhealthy.  I started limiting my calorie intake and made sure that I never ate anything after 6:00 in the evening.  This was a big part of my weight loss.  I also never ate anything unless it was meal time. No snacks at all.  All of this on top of my walking several times a week, led me to that 50 lb. loss.

Shortly after I experienced my major weight loss, I started experiencing anxiety attacks.  I didn’t really know what was happening to me.  There were times that I thought I was dying.  I had never experienced these feelings before.  I suddenly became a recluse that was almost confined to my house.  It was the only place that I could relax and feel safe.   I would try to go to town to go shopping for groceries and I literally couldn’t handle the crowds. I would need to leave.  The best way for me to describe the feelings was that my blood was boiling.  I couldn’t calm myself on the inside.

It got to where I couldn’t keep weight on.  I lost another 20 lbs.  This was almost too much of a weight loss.  I wasn’t looking healthy or feeling healthy anymore.  I can remember just thinking to myself that I would rather be overweight and “normal” than skinny and “miserable.”

I’m not sure where it turned around.  I did go to the doctor. I did started taking medicine.  I learned that there are many people out there in the world that suffer from anxiety, but it is such a taboo topic.  I think people are afraid of appearing weak or even crazy.  However, It started to turn things around.  Within about 2 years, I started to gain weight again and feeling better.

Today, I’m on the other side of spectrum.  I feel good in regards to my anxiety, but my weight is out of control.  I don’t feel healthy and I don’t want to continue down this road. I am almost 40 years old and I need to take control. I need to make some changes. The older I get, the harder it will be to get my weight off.

Right now, I’m ready to make changes and live a healthier lifestyle. But, tomorrow, I will get hungry and food tastes good. I am constantly thinking about my next meal and how every event leads to a celebration of food. I have very little willpower. What can I do? How will I be strong enough to fight the temptations?