In a Blink of an Eye

I sit here today and I’m not sure how I got to this point in my life. I am a middle age woman with adult children now. I do have a couple more that aren’t adults, if that is to make me feel any better.

This is so very hard for me for several reasons.

First, I don’t feel middle aged. I feel like I should still be in my mid 20’s.  In my mind, I am still feel like that young person that made impulsive decisions and lived in the here and now.  Now, my body is another story.  My body completely feels like the almost 40 version of myself.  I have the whole plantar fasciitis. So, when I get up from sitting for a period of time, I can barely walk. It is almost hysterical. I beginning to think that a cane could make my Christmas wish list.

Secondly, I get very sad thinking about the changes that are in my near future.  My adult children will soon be moving out of my house or trying to get married and moving away. I have devoted the last 20+ years to my children and they have been my everything.  I’m not sure how to let them spread their wings.  I can’t imagine not seeing them everyday and hearing about their day.  My heart will break.

Thirdly, I’m having a hard time remembering what it is that I enjoy doing.  Since, my last 20+ years have revolved around my kids, I don’t really remember the things that I like to do.  What are my hobbies? Do I have any hobbies? How do I figure out what my hobby should be?

Lastly, I worry about the relationship that I have with my spouse.  I love my husband and he really is my best friend, but I don’t really know if we have anything in common other than our children.  I worry that our kids will leave and we won’t know how to interact with each other anymore.  At this point, when we have alone time, our conversations always end up being about the kids.  I worry about this.  We need to find something that we can enjoy together and solidify our relationship.  We should really be starting to cultivate this renewed commitment now and not wait until the kids are gone.

Age and change alike can not be avoided.  So, I’m going to try embrace and enjoy the new eras that I’ll experience along they way.  I have wonderful memories that will go with me, but I know that more memories are to be made.